(A Mood
Enhancing Exercise)
Reprinted with permission;
Copyright © 1996
Disclaimer:
Each year over 17 million people in the United States are depressed. Of those
fewer than 30% get help!
Each year over 30,000 people in the United States commit suicide. Of those,
the majority had not seen a doctor.
This article is designed to let the millions of people who have not reached
out, know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE! There are people who care!
There is help available, but beware of self diagnosis! This exercise should
not be used instead of therapy.
Misuse of Emotional Thought Stopping may be harmful, but so is untreated
depression.
Get informed, get into the system of help, see a doctor, therapist, or a
priest!
by Stephen L. Bernhardt
The following is a mood enhancing exercise which is
based on theories I present in "The relationship of the conscious and the
subconscious mind". It is not to be considered a therapy for depression, as
a therapy is more complete and would include an accurate definition of the type
of depression, an action to implement based on that diagnosis, and finally
addressing what changes you need to make in order to maintain a more depression
free life after therapy.
Emotional thought stopping is probably most
effective for those individuals who are severely depressed and experiencing
strong suicidal urges. Effectiveness of the procedure will depend on ones total
commitment to the process and that they not change anything outlined herein.
Why? The unipolar person will have the tendency to "yes-but" the
procedure and discount many of the concepts to the point that it becomes
ineffective. Also, the manic-depressive person will feel a need to enhance or
add to the procedures (possibly overdo something) to a point that their changes
may cause the exercise to become harmful. Please, let's all of us stick to the
agenda as outlined and heed all of the warnings!
You can not fail at this procedure. If you
faithfully adhere to all of the concepts outlined and your mood is not
substantially lifted, you have not failed and there is no reason to despair. The
experience would merely be another in a series of steps one might try in order
to find what will be effective in reversing, or living more comfortably with
their depression. This may help a person to decide that therapy is needed and
one may further decide, with the help of their therapist, that drugs, and/or
intensive therapy will be beneficial.
Emotional thought stopping is simple, (some may
even use the term simplistic) and anyone can easily do it. The concept is not
new, as it has its roots in the genius of the early Greeks. You may have been
exposed to the procedure if you are familiar with the bible, and some modern
therapists use its concepts. There are some basic changes I have made to both
the reasoning behind this procedure, and changes I have implemented concerning
the actual technique.
WHAT ARE OUR GOALS?
1. We will not attempt to solve life's problems or the problems caused by our
depression or mania at this time, but for a short period of time we will protect
ourselves from the negative emotions caused by those problems.
2. We will regain control of our emotions.
3. We will protect ourselves from thoughts of
hopelessness concerning our future.
4. We will substantially lessen our suicidal
urges.
HOW DOES EMOTIONAL THOUGHT STOPPING WORK?
What we are concerned with are those thoughts which are automatically sent by
the subconscious into the conscious mind, due to the intensity of unresolved
emotion associated with ongoing problems in our life. When using emotional
thought stopping, that automatic thought from the subconscious is cut off the
very second it is presented, period! Thoughts of suicide, anger, despair, self
degradation, past emotional trauma, and future hopelessness are stopped the
instant they are presented to the conscious mind. Why? Because allowing that
thought to remain in the conscious mind, when a person is depressed, will
reinforce and intensify the negative emotion, no matter what the conscious
intellect tries to do! We have been trying to rid ourselves of these negative
emotions for some time now, and have failed, each failure reinforces the
negative emotion and insures that our subconscious will continue to present
these negative emotions to our conscious mind.
Again, during this exercise we do not try to
solve any of life's problems or the problems caused by our depression, in fact,
we do not even allow thoughts concerning our problems to remain in the
conscious, even for a second. The very first thought which is thrown from the
conscious the second it is presented is any thought that has to do with suicide.
How do we do this? I send negative thoughts back to the subconscious the second
they are presented with a resounding sub-vocal "stop". Actually, over
time the word "stop" has been replaced with a sort of primal grunt. I
clear my mind, if the thought returns I send it back with more intensity. The
word "stop" may have to be so intense that it makes the hairs on the
back of your neck stand out and your spine tingle with intensity. Throw the
thought of suicide back into the subconscious with a vengeance, match or exceed
the intensity of the emotion with the word, "STOP!" SCREAM IT IF YOU
HAVE TO!
"STOP!" "I don't deserve this!"
"STOP!" "I--want control!"
"STOP!" "STOP!" "STOP!"
Use the energy of your anger! Use the power of your despair against the very
depression that spawned it!
"STOP!" "I-WANT-TO-LIVE!"
Next, or at the same time, begin to stop all
thoughts that have anything to do with
life's problems or the problems caused by your depression.
"I deserve to die!" "STOP!"
"I'll never get a job!" "STOP!"
"If only I--" "STOP!"
"That bastard always--" "STOP!"
"My depression is caused by--" "STOP!"
"They make me--" "STOP!"
"The pain will never end!" "STOP!"
"But--" "STOP!"
This must be done for at least a full day! From
the very moment you awake until you fall off to sleep, you should not have
reinforced one single negative thought, not one! A very important time is just
before you fall to sleep that first night. A significant part of this exercise
is during our REM sleep after this first day. We have not reinforced one
negative emotion, possibly for the first 24 hour period in years. Our
"dream work" after this first day has much to do with the success of
this mood enhancing exercise.
Problem solving is considered a positive
undertaking, yet problem solving when we are depressed, is what gets many of us
in trouble. At times, I have thought of possible solutions to my problems, and
mentally acted out how those solutions would help my life. Then I would begin
thinking of reasons why it probably would not work, and eventually I would end
in a worse depressed state than before the session began. All this, within the
confines of my own bedroom. Even if it seems as though we have a good idea and
problem solving seems to be a positive undertaking, at this time we must
refrain, especially if we are in a manic phase. For two days we are working on
emotions, not life problems.
Similar procedures have been tried before with
varying degrees of effectiveness. The short comings of prior attempts have to do
with the lack of intensity and their intermittent nature. If we find a
beneficial procedure in a self-help book or during a therapy session, we
possibly feel better for a short period of time, but the nature of our
depression soon overwhelms this feeling and we are back where we started. One
hour of help once or twice a week, even with possible home work assignments,
allows ample time for our negative ruminations and suicidal urges to return and
plague us once again.
POSITIVE THOUGHT.
Many times attempts are made to supplement mood altering exercises with
positive affirmations. When we are depressed, positive affirmation is counter
productive and in effect are attempts to lie to the subconscious mind. Positive
affirmations are attempts to shove positive thoughts into the subconscious, the
subconscious will not respond. We have all experienced the anger and despair
after being told "to look on the bright side", or "every cloud
has a silver lining" etc. I remember once, while in very bad shape, I was
doing my usual last minute Christmas shopping, (I think it was the 26th of
December) and I passed a book store with a large display of Erma Bombeck's book,
"If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, Why Am I Always in the Pits?" The
title triggered something! My mind exploded! I screamed, "bowl of cherries?
-bowl of cherries? - LIFE IS A BOWL OF CRAP!" I said it over, and
over, and over. If one perceives that they are mired in fecal matter, what
matter the smell of roses?
A POSITIVE THOUGHT DOES NOT CANCEL A NEGATIVE
THOUGHT!
Why? Our body has receptors which are sensitive to the sensations of heat,
cold, pressure, and pain. The sensation of intense pain takes precedence over
all other sensations. This is essential to our very survival. If you are making
love to your spouse in the privacy of your own bedroom and suddenly, out of
nowhere, a tiger grabs you by the ass - who you going to talk to? Likewise
intense pain, and the anticipation of pain (fear) also takes precedence in our
mind, and will block positive thought until the pain is resolved.
We all long for the return of the endorphins of
joy, of love, of pleasure, of contentment, and for the return of expectation.
The truth is, they have not left us, they are still within us, yet at this time
cannot be accessed. But, after a day or possibly two of blocking our negative
thought by using emotional thought stopping the subconscious will send a
positive thought to the conscious mind. It will be something like "Maybe
there is something worthwhile in this mood enhancing exercise" or
"Maybe tomorrow will be just a little better". It is this internally
generated positive thought from the subconscious that you want to seize and to
reinforce. Go with it! In other words, do not try to shove positive thought into
the subconscious, let them come in response to the renewed hope you gain from
emotional thought stopping.
Caution! Be aware that when the positive
thoughts begin to be sent from the subconscious, you will at first, be very
elated. But this small glimmer of hope will be interrupted by a thought of
"yes, but", where you acknowledge the positive thought, but think that
it is too little, to late, and you begin to match that positive thought against
all of the other problems in your life. If you allow this to happen the negative
in your life will shortly cancel this small glimmer of hope. You must stop the
negative "yes, but" thought, and wait for the subconscious to send
another positive thought. It will, shortly!
THE FUTURE: NARROW YOUR HORIZONS.
For the short period of this exercise let there be no future beyond these two
days! We are already stopping any thought concerning suicide, so that emotion is
not being reinforced, now let us stop all thoughts concerning the future. We are
not pretending it doesn't exist, nor are we trying to lie to the subconscious
about how dismal our future looks, we are simply not reinforcing the negative
emotion associated with our future. Our future now exists of that hot shower or
relaxing bath you are about to take. As you sit in the tub or sauna your mind is
occupied with the task at hand, nothing else, and the future consists of that
warm and relaxed feeling you have after a bath in which you had no feelings of
negative emotion. Continue in this manner throughout the next two days, looking
forward to that special meal you are about to prepare, or that good book you are
about to read. Exercise if it works for you.
I don't pretend to know what it is like to be
totally alone, or about to die, or in prison, although I have been close to
suicide and have been in situations where the highlight of my week was a bowel
movement. I suppose one gets tired of hearing "to take it one day at a
time". If one believes in God and in heaven, then there is a more positive
view of our future. But, the mental and physical pain here on earth may cause us
to lose sight of that eventual bliss. We cannot change what is, we can only
change our emotional response, to what is and will be. Emotional thought
stopping just may help us "to make it better, one day at a time"
What we are attempting to accomplish is to
plan, execute, and feel a sense of pride and relief, that something in the
future is not hopeless, that something can go right. Small steps, small rewards,
more to come.
WHAT PAST?
Sandpaper off your finger prints, get a face make over, and burn your resume.
A little drastic? Then try the same things concerning the past as we did
concerning the future. It happened, but we are not going to let any negative
emotional memory of past events into our conscious mind for this two day period.
It may take as much energy and commitment to do this as it took to stop suicidal
thoughts, it's worth the effort! For two days we will live in the here-and-now,
unencumbered by an uncertain future, unencumbered by emotional baggage from our
past, refusing to reinforce our negative emotions, and acknowledging that we
need this break and knowing well that we deserve it!
ANGER AND DESPAIR.
How do I find the energy? I have nothing left as my anger and my despair have
left me physically and emotionally drained! Let's start with anger. Conventional
wisdom concerning anger is that we either act on that emotion or that we stuff
it, either way we do ourselves harm in that we reinforce the emotion ensuring
further and possibly increased anger the next time the stimuli is encountered. I
would suggest a third response when anger is triggered. I firmly believe that
the recipient of the energy of anger need not be that which triggered the
response. Further, I believe that the response itself need not remain anger, but
may willfully be changed to a closely related release of energy. Let me
illustrate. I am driving down a road at the socially acceptable 15 mph over the
speed limit, when a car speeds at me from behind and passes me, the driver
immediately applies her breaks and I have to break hard and swerve in order to
avoid hitting her car. I am angry, enraged, and I do something which I (of
course) have never done before, I pull alongside her car and give her the
finger. As my focus changes from my astutely uplifted middle finger to the face
of that wanton, wilted, witch in the Volkswagen, I focus on the face of my
grandmother! In less than an instant, my rage becomes an intense embarrassment,
my finger frozen in air, it will not return to my side. We pull to the side of
the road and my mind races with thoughts such as, "My God, we need to get
her off the road before she kills someone, or kills herself!" The energy of
anger directed at an unknown driver, was instantly changed to an intense
embarrassment directed at myself, and the possible resolve of mentally enacted
murder was instantly changed to emotional problem solving.
Use the energy of despair! Despair just may be
the result of internalized anger, over time. Regardless of this argument,
despair does drain us of energy, as does anger. Recall how utterly exhausted and
demoralized we are after a long session of despair, that takes a lot of energy.
Is it possible to use the energy of anger, of despair, and even the energy of
mania, in our work of exorcizing the demon of depression? I think so! We no
longer direct the energy of anger and despair at ourselves or at others, we are
not angry or disparaging because we are depressed. Let the recipient of our
anger be the depression itself. Get pissed at your depression! Use the energy of
your despair to find a resolve that things will soon be better, TAKE CONTROL!
Let that brief, illusive brush of manic genius aid your intellect in overcoming
the monster within. All the while, use emotional thought stopping to protect you
from your negative emotions, and use it to keep the mania focused and most
importantly, grounded in reality.
HOW DO WE START?
The first step is to block out a period of time, two days, during which you
will be unencumbered by any distractions. During this two day period you will be
asked to completely immerse yourself and occupy your mind with the task at hand.
This should be a relaxing time, an enjoyable weekend, you will be asked to take
relaxing baths or maybe you have access to a sauna. You can exercise if it
helps, bring self-help materials, a good book, surf the net, meditate, whatever.
Do not bring work or anything associated with your problems, no tax forms. Also,
do not attempt to undertake anything new at this time, such as quitting a bad
habit or trying to stop an addiction at the same time. We will lose our focus
and if we do poorly on this other new venture, it will adversely effect this
exercise. I will be asking you to read this article over more than once, make
assorted lists, and possibly write a few letters to friends and family.
Secondly, I want you to write a list of everything
that is not right in your life including, all of life's problems effecting you
presently (they may be from the past, present, or coming in the future), list
your symptoms of depression, and the problems caused by your depression. This
will help to focus on the task at hand. It will also be a good time to start
with serious emotional thought stopping, in that we make this list and do not
allow any negative emotion triggered by items on the list to remain in our
conscious mind. Our ultimate goal, over time, is to be able to allow our
problems into our conscious mind independent of the negative emotion associated
with that problem. Then we can begin working on our problems from a position of
strength rather than from a state of depression. But, this comes later.
Next, I will suggest a few additional exercises
in order for us to keep our mind occupied during these two days. In addition
they may help us manage our lives, under more control, after the two day period
is over. Procrastination plagues all of us and can be the cause of much
additional mental anguish when we are depressed. At present the most pressing
and painful things in our lives are those over which we have no control and are
unable to resolve. That may be suicidal thoughts, an addiction, no job,
interpersonal relationships, a recent loss, etc. With such horrendous problems
facing us how can we allot time and effort to the more mundane concerns in life?
"If I cannot end the pain, what matter the rest?" My suggestion is to
change the focus of our activities and what occupies our conscious mind. Another
list! Begin with the list you just completed, which includes all your life and
depression problems, arrange that list in order of descending importance and
associated pain. First on the list would be that which causes you the most
mental anguish, continue down the list, adding all those things in life in which
your depression has deprived you. This may include activities such as listening
to music, hobbies, enjoyable time spent with friends, reading, games, sports,
etc. (those activities which we love and that relax us, but no longer have the
energy to do) Continue the list including those things which your depression has
kept you from doing your best at, such as property and home upkeep and cleaning,
personal grooming and hygiene, etc. End the list with a hot bath. Now take the
list and invert it (turn it upside down), rewrite the list starting with a hot
bath and ending with the worst problem in your life. The top of the list now
becomes our priority, that which occupies our mind and that which must be done
first. Whereas, yesterday the most pressing thing in your life was that which
was giving you the most pain, today the most pressing task is a hot bath and a
manicure. Yet still you worry because your apartment only has a shower - a
shower will suffice.
RELATIONSHIPS
During our two days together, I wouldn't suggest you paint the inside and
outside of your house. Keep the tasks simple, the above reverse procrastination
list will allow you to plan, complete, and receive positive feedback on, at
first, simple enjoyable tasks. As you gain strength you can begin to tackle
those things which are now so easily procrastinated. Earlier I mentioned writing
letters to friends and family, I would also like to add letters to the
antagonists in your life. This is an exercise to help you define what is wrong
in these relationships, and mostly what part you had in causing the relationship
to fail. For, as much as we might want to blame others for our problems,
ultimately the only control we can exercise, is over our own actions and
emotions, not others. The situation may be an impossible one, such as in an
abusive relationship, where the only possibility of control in this situation
may be to leave. Emotional thought stopping may just give us the strength to do
so. Make the letters real, explain your depression, what you are doing to change
things, what you might have done differently. Don't blame others, don't blame
yourself. Now set the letters aside, as this was an exercise to help you define
what went wrong, and what might have been done differently, the letters need not
be mailed. If you do mail them, make sure that they will not further hurt the
relationship, let them sit a while before you mail them, just in case.
WARNING!
A distinction should be made between the concepts presented in this paper,
and the act of repression (in effect trying to squelch or hide from negative
emotions). Emotional thought stopping does not allow the negative emotion to
remain in the conscious mind thereby not reinforcing that emotion, whereas
repression allows the negative emotion control of our conscious and then shoves
the emotion into a corner of the mind trying to hide from it. This is akin to
stuffing anger (letting the emotion happen and then not acting on that emotion).
Repression of an emotional response will insure that when the emotion does
resurface, it will be as strong or stronger as it was before. Also we are
risking the possibility of psychosomatic illness as the emotional chemistry
remains even if we do not act on that emotion.
Now, a warning that emotional thought stopping
can be misused! It is possible to gain benefit from an improvement in mood, yet
continue to use emotional thought stopping to hide from life's problems. The
benefit will be short lived however, as our problems will worsen when not
attended, we will be overwhelmed and emotional thought stopping eventually will
not be enough to protect us. Emotional thought stopping can be continued even
after depression is lifted, but it should be used to give us strength in order
that we solve life's problems, not hide from them.
I need a break. It has taken me 14 years to
complete these manuscripts, 14 years of pain. I started this project in order to
help myself understand more about what I was going through. I am finishing this
project for you. By now you are aware I know of your pain, I hereby acknowledge
it. I would just, for now, like to sit and hold your hand, and have a good
cry...
The next cry we share will be one of relief, tears of joy, when we realize
that a small window has opened and that tomorrow may just be a little better
than today.
HAVING TROUBLE?
First I ask you to completely clear your mind of past, present, and future
problems, then I turn around and give you exercises that bring up all of this
negative emotion, not fair? If you are bothered with that, I suggest you make
the lists sometime before the 2 day exercise begins. If you have trouble during
the weekend, make your activities more physical and more passive. Exercise, take
baths, read, listen to music, but stay away from the TV as much as possible. If
there is only one thing you are able to do, let it be to concentrate on stopping
thoughts concerning suicide! That alone, if done for 24 hours, will give you
enough strength to attempt the rest of the exercise at a later time.
You should find benefit from this exercise
after the first 24 hour period in which you have not reinforced one negative
thought from the subconscious mind. If you do not, or if you cannot keep the
negative thoughts from coming into the conscious mind, or if for any reason this
exercise is not a positive experience, then I suggest you quit this exercise at
once! This would be an indication that, for some reason, you do not have the
strength to go this alone, at this time. I don't think you could use the buddy
system, unless your friend has gone through this exercise and found it to be
very helpful. Otherwise, you will need the help and guidance of a counselor or
therapist.
SUMMARY
1. You should have read my article "Depression: Understanding Suicidal
Thoughts" before attempting to start this emotional thought stopping, mood
enhancing exercise.
2. Although it is possible to use the concepts of emotional thought stopping
during everyday life, I suggest that if you are depressed and having strong
suicidal urges that it is best to set aside 2 days for an intensive undisturbed
beginning for this exercise.
3. To allow any negative thoughts about life's problems, the problems caused
by depression, hopeless thoughts about the future, or emotional painful thoughts
of past experiences to remain in our conscious mind, at this time, reinforces
our negative emotions.
4. A resounding sub-vocal "STOP" or strong primal grunt, which cuts
off the automatic negative thoughts sent by the subconscious mind, is use so
that our negative emotions are not reinforced. This must be done for a
continuous 24 hour period so that our "dream work" is involved in this
process.
5. Problem solving by the conscious mind, at this time, should be suspended
until we can work on our problems from a position of strength, rather than from
a state of depression.
6. Positive thoughts and positive affirmations are not forced into the
subconscious mind. The combination of emotional thought stopping and completed
simple tasks will allow automatic positive emotions and thoughts to be sent by
the subconscious mind. These positive thoughts are enjoyed and reinforced until
such time that a negative thought is sent by the subconscious.
7. Use the energy of your anger, despair, and the energy of your mania to
give you strength when using emotional thought stopping.
8. Suspend thoughts of your long term future for now, and use the reverse
procrastination list to help you start working on simple tasks at first, and
then help you set priorities when working on the more difficult problems in your
life.
9. After this two day exercise, you will continue to use emotional thought
stopping, especially when stress builds or during traumatic events which trigger
suicidal thoughts. Do not use emotional thought stopping as a crutch to hide
from life.
10. If this is not an enjoyable experience or if emotional thought stopping
does not work for you, stop this exercise and seek the aid of a therapist.
Some of you are depressed because of a
traumatic experience or loss. For some it may be the result of a series of
unfortunate experiences, or an adverse reaction to legal or illegal drugs. I
hope that emotional thought stopping has helped, and that after this depression
you are never plagued with depression again. For the rest of us, we may have to
live with the possibility of depression for the rest of our lives. Be it caused
by a chemical imbalance, or a neuron malfunction, or a genetic propensity, there
are things we can do in order to live more comfortably with our depressive
nature. Emotional thought stopping has helped me, I sincerely hope that it helps
you.
Stephen L.
Bernhardt
